Friday, 25 November 2016
Okay, here's what's happening:
I know we haven't spoken in awhile. Guess you guys probably missed me.
Oh! You didn't?
Who Una "missing" hep?
Do I care? Are you feeding me? Abeggy!!!
Amaka doesn't give a flying f**k what you think.
I'm back. Period.
Anyway, the last time we spoke, I was possessed by an evil entity called,Olukwu the Native Doctor.
Since Opus feels my story is not important, I decided to post myself.
Who Kollupia season 2 and Rise of the Clans 3 hep?
I am Amaka.
I made this blog what it is today. I deserve the front page.
Because I am the Numero Uno Runs chick. In Naija, I'm like MMM--everyone's heard of me.
So allow me to introduce myself, I am Amaka the Unrepentant Mistress. First of her name, mother of hotness and swag, body of a goddess, mistress of the night, the best shag of your life,and money-making-vagina extraordinaire.
Simply put, I AM THE ISSSH.
Deal with it.
But right now, business is slow.
Well, ask the demon incarnate currently inhabiting my amazing body.
EKWA! WHICH KINE AMAZING? ALL YA BOBBI IS LIKE SLIPPERS!
Amaka rises to her feet and looks around the room. There's anger in her eyes. She stands stark-naked in front of her dressing mirror as if daring the voice to speak again.
The words had come from her lips. It was as if for a few seconds she'd lost control of her body.
She's alone in her apartment.
She slowly sits in front of the mirror.
She turns to us again.
"This is what I have to live with," she says.
"I haven't been able to go anywhere or do anything. My business is suffering.
Each time I try to leave the house for 'business,' he would start acting up again."
She looks like she's about to cry. Amaka sniffs and wipes a tear from her eye.
"I'm running out of cash," she says. "I can't go out because, Olukwu doesn't trust 'women-drivers'."
"EKWA! NO WOMAN WILL DRIVE ME OH!" She suddenly snaps in Olulwu's voice. "WHERE'S YA LICENSE? CHOOK-CHOOK WOMAN LIKE YOU!!"
"Stop this rubbish," Amaka snaps. "you're ruining my life. If I don't go out, I can't get money. No money, no food and we starve."
"SO IS YA THING YOU WANT TO USE TO FIND FOOD??"
"Yes, because that's what I do!"
"SO I SHOULD STAY FOR ANOTHER MAN TO RUB MY YANSH?"
She flings her comb at her mirror. It bounces off the glass without denting it.
"It's not your body!!"
"BIKO, WHEN YOU SCRATCH IT DON'T I FEEL IT?"
"EHEH?" her shoulders shrug."THAT MEANS THE BODY IS MA OWN TOO. BIKO, DON'T CARRY MY YANSH NEAR ANOTHER MAN'S GBALOSS."
"YA TELLING ME TO SHARRAP," She suddenly slaps herself. "EH..?"
Amaka's look of shock is comical. She stares at her hand as if it were an alien entity.
"Olukwu," she's clearly containing her rage. "do not ever do that again. I do not appr---."
This time its the other hand.
"YOU TINK AM YA MATE? YOU THIS ASHAWO."
"Don't you dare call me that!"
"THAT YA THING THAT CAN SWALLOW CUCUMBER---!"
She suddenly goes pale.
"Is that why I woke up with...cucumber in my......what the hell were you doing to me last night???"
"YA THING IS NOW OVER-SIZE. BIKO, GO AND BUY ALLUM BEFORE ONE MAN WILL LOSS INSIDE!"
"Leave me alone!!!!"
The sound of her voice echoes in the empty house.
She tries to catch her breath. She stares at her reflection for almost a minute. Then stares at us.
"This isn't the end of my story. Yeah, laugh all you want. I am Amaka. I am the Ace of the deck. Like Trump, I will shock you. Just wait and see. As long as I live, your rich husbands and boyfriends wont be safe. Sooner or later, I will get past this and you'll all be sorry for laughing at me. I'm not done. I will never stop hunting your men.
Wait and see.
I AM A WRITER
MY MIND IS MY WORKSTATION
Wednesday, 23 November 2016
Mary frowned at the screen.
She didn't like private numbers. Anonymous callers were dangerous.
This one time, a guy called her up, screamed, "Bitch!" then hung up.
That was the thing about Anonymous callers; they could get away with anything.
Usually she would've ignored the call, but it was a Sunday, she was just chilling in her room, and Joe hadn't called. Which was odd because they'd had a movie date for 1.pm that day.
"So...uh." I began. His good looks were over powering. "Mr...um..." "Black." He replied. "Richard Bla...
"Stupid Girl!Did your poverty stricken mother ever have a China plate in her life? Ify literally spat out, a spray of saliva shot out ...
Seconds later, the glass door exploded as a tsunami of bodies blasted through it. A nightmarish roar of animal sounds exploded in the ro...
You were meant for me! Not her…. Fiona screamed at her Image. Her perfect day had turned to trash really fast. She cleaned crimson off her...