Showing posts from 2015


Tyrohk Stared down from the hill top. A large crowd of citizens had gathered at the gates of the palace. He could sense the confusion and fear in the air. The place was ripe for the taking, He thought. He could almost feel the contours of the Kulgan Blade against his fingers. It was his birth right, it was his destiny. His time had come, finally he would reclaim what had been denied  him for more than a millenium.


The sound of their chants filled his ears. His arms felt  heavy from holding them up for so long.He didn't know which was worse, the intense heat of the mid day sun or the pain in his head.




I wondered what other trick life could ever play on me.

Hope was not glad to see me, especially not in the circumstances of our meeting. She was no longer hope, she was now Celia and she was rich. It was her money Daniel had been showering on me. She walked me out of her house, and told me never to come back. Life was so cruel. I cried all the way back to my hostel, cursing the day I was born.


Amaka is naked in front of her dressing mirror.
The self-proclaimed Queen of the Night has  a worried look on her face.  She closely studies her reflection as if searching for something in particular.


My elder sister went to the police station the next day, and reported the case. All the men including the land lord were arrested. Two days later they were bailed and the landlord gave us the remainder of our rent and sent us packing. The matter died at the police station. I decided that I was going to become a lawyer.


Thari felt the tip of the blade prick her flesh.

"Just get it over with" she winced. There was almost no fear in her, just raw anger.

" Brave," came Muuaji's breath against the side of her face. "Very brave. I'm almost tempted to grant you your wish"

" Mistress? A Kivuli shadow said hesitantly. To the rest of the world, all  Kivuli looked the same. But Muuaji had long learned the art of identifying every one of her brothers. This one, was a high ranking warrior. She would know, she trained him.

"....we have the advantage" he continued awkwardly. " We should kill the High Queen, and make our escape"


My name is Joy, funny how my name sounds to me, when I tell you my story, maybe you would understand the irony of my name. I was born into the home of a military officer, and my mother was a trader. The fourth child, in a family of six (as it was back then).

Diary of a hustler

“E be like say you don dey mad!!! Abeg give me my money.." Gladys shouted, holding Damian by his trousers. He looked down at her, considering how small she was compared to him. But he couldn’t blame her. He owed her 700 naira, for about a month now. She ran a small bukka on the next street, and he had been hiding from her for the last week. Today she had come to his house very early, just as he was preparing to go out.


The baby cried, and Oge knew he was hungry. She sat down, and thought about how bad her life had become. She tried to console the child, but he wouldn’t stop crying. She didn’t bother giving him her breasts to suckle, as she had stopped producing milk over three days ago. How would she, when her last meal had been about five days ago, when one family had taken pity on her and given her some bread. She had been surviving on just water, and her strength was already beginning to fail her.


Lord Zahr materialised inside the throne room. The High Queen did not approve of such use of magic within the palace walls. But this was different. He had a bad feeling, he hoped to the gods he was wrong.

All was silent.


I walked away from the fire, with the wind against my face. I am glad for the wind. The fire would burn brighter and hotter. I willed myself not to turn back, not to look back. The only thing that should remain of the place I once called home, should be ashes.

I didn't care that it was my sweat that was burning down, didn't care that all I nurtured and treasured was in there. I just didn't care.


THE earth rumbled underneath them. Mallish was amazed at how the Rahbrocs travelled. He had heard that they burrowed deep into the ground and moved at incredible speed. With their large claws, they could tear through the soil ripping past the roots of large trees like butter.


Pedro paced up and down his living room. Tomorrow was the day, and he was yet to come up with a plan. He had gotten some plans from his friends, but none of them seemed to be what he was looking for. It had to be special, nothing outrageaous like what he reads on those news blogs, but he had to get it right.


Muuaji stood at the mouth of the cave  staring at the vast number of soldiers before her.There were easily over a hundred thousand of them.More than enough to take the palace.


Okay, maybe I was a little too presumptious with Mr Movie Guy. I guess I just assumed he was....well,..."Responsible"....(is that the word I should use?I mean, he's got a great job at OLX,he's God fearing, and he's got amazing abs. So I'm guessing you guys want to know what's wrong with him. All these mumu people for this blog are probably going; "Alexa, wetin come do this one again nau?"



Their uncle was by their door again four days later. Three times in one week, after six years of not caring whether they lived or died. Zaire was not sure what to make of it. Christy on the other hand, knew exactly what to make of it.


Zaire looked at her wristwatch, She had been waiting for him for over four hours. He had told her to come by 10:00am, and it was almost 2:30pm now. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, and the secretary gave her a tired smile. She had left her business, to be here today and it seemed that was another mistake.  A man walked in carrying a carton of noodles, and he went to the secretary and whispered. The secretary gestured in her direction and he waked toward her.

"Please are you Zaire?" the man asked.

"Yes I am"

Alexa rants 4

Na God go punish that Mr Face book!Can you imagine the nonsense?He hasn't called me.What rubbish!E no go betta for am!!
You see my problem?These men just can't be trusted.Whether it's Face Book,Twitter or Instagram.Mtcheeew!!!


I have seen and heard a lot of hilarious things concerning black Friday. I mentioned it to one of my aunts, and she became alert, kabashing things... I had to explain to her that it was not something bad, not an eclipse or the end of the world. ROTFL....

OLUKWU part 8

"Ekwa,so this thing I'm seeing like this I can not touch?"

"Who are you talking to?"There was a bit of annoyance in Amaka's voice.She just couldn't understand why the native doctor was so distracted.There she was as naked as the day of her birth ready for action and he was speaking to the empty space above their heads.

One way or another,Olukwu was going to have sex with her.Whether he wanted to or not.She proceeded to loosen his wrapper.The native withdrew from her touch at near super human speed.


Finally, the day is here. Two weeks ago, it seemed so far away. But ehm I have a question. Please If you have received your November salary, show by a raise of hands..... ROTFL.

POSSESSED!!!! a horror story by opustjk.

'Many things about that night still disturb me.But I know and trust in the word of God.It has protected and guided me all these years as a Pastor.

What I'm about to tell you is a true story.I have been a devout follower of Christ for the past twenty-five years.I have no reason to lie or make up stories for the sake of popularity.I say what I say today not to entertain,but to instruct.


Richard starred at Jasmine as the face lost all it's colour. He was as shocked as she was, but was better at disguising it.
"Ehm... welcome" Jasmine said, forcing a smile that didn't reach her eyes.
"Finally I get to meet Peter's stunning wife" Richard said looking her over.
"Mehn... I cannot wait to meet the damsel you have to talking about for these past weeks" Peter responded.


Hello Opusites. Today was a great day. Had a really superb time in church. Yimmu to all those who didnt attend service. Count down to the largest sales event in Nigeria.... Africa....... in short the WORLD.  ROTFL. Do you think its a co-incidence that Jumia and Konga set their sales at the same period? and at the end of the month nonetheless. I doubt it.

ALEXA RANTS 3 (Mr FaceBook)

Okay,here's what happened with the Face book guy.Like I said  before,I ignored him for a few weeks.I mean why not?The dude was scary,he followed me on Twitter,Instagram,Google+ and everywhere else on the internet.It was like everywhere I turned,I saw his smiling face.Which wasn't a bad looking face.It wasn't an extremely good looking face either.


Hello,Alexa here again.

Okay,so I went on a date with Eze.I'll admit,it wasn't what I expected.The truth is having been through so many first dates,you kinda get bored with the same old routine;"What do you do?,Do you love your job?,what happened in your last relationship? and blah blah blah.It just goes on and on and on like a crappy re-run of a crappy Tv series.

Anyway,I indulged him.


They waited.

Listening to the sound of the elevator descending.There were at least Fifteen automatic weapons  trained towards the door.
Samuel tightened his grip on his rifle
"Are you sure we have enough guns to kill this b**ch?"he whispered.


Hello,my name is Alexa and I want to get married.I wont say my age,because I know the people on this blog have bad mouth.All I can say is that I've been single for long enough to know that I've been single for too long.


Jas opened her eyes and stared at the pot bellied man who had been yapping for 30 mins non stop. "why couldn't some people understand that a flight is not a place for loud talking?". Then she looked at the young man beside him whose only crime was being unfortunate enough to get the seat next to mr. yapper.

Chronicles of Wahri 8

Two of the guards dragged a little girl into the throne room.She was dressed in rags and her eyes were like a wild beast's.The third guard,had an object wrapped in a black cloth in his hands.

"This girl,"One of the guards said"Was found at the gates of the palace.She said she has a message for the High Queen."

Long pause.

Jumia Black Friday

My people my people. That's how I was looking at that Opus' konga post with side eyes.

Friday the 13th

“Death of the angel….Glorify  and please….. drops of fire ......purify and release..... The blood link we revere severe other ties... the blood link we share..... none other would spare..."  the person crouched in the circle chanted over and over. There were candles lit around, and markings on the ground. The person in the circle was stark naked, it was late just a little past midnight, there was a full moon.

KONGA'S YAKATA IS HERE!!!....well,soon anyway.

Okay I'll admit, I use Konga..... A LOT.And no matter what Ivy says,


It was a thick crowd of people in the courtyard.

"TSUNDA!TSUNDA!TSUNDA!"They  were chanting.


Favour looked up and down the corridor, before stepping out of the room. She walked briskly towards the exits carrying a light bundle. She didnt know what she was doing, or why or anything for that matter. she had made the decision without a thought.

She breathed a sigh or relief, when she got out of the building without any incident. She hailed a cab, and got in. Maybe, just maybe today was her lucky day.


There was a wintery chill in air.

Mallish wrapped his cloak about him to keep out the morning chill.He grimaced at the trees and the  mists floating about them like phantoms.

He hated this place.

The last time he was here,he was nearly eaten.Deveehle forest was the last place he thought he'd ever return to.It was  as eerie as he remembered it.

He heard a creepy  howling  far away.It sounded like a creature in  pain.

"Are you afraid,Black Warlock?"Came the Kulgan Lord's voice.

"No,"the Warlock replied."I fear nothing,my lord"


She now understood why Leratu always came here.The tower was peaceful, and It was the one place she could be alone.

She touched the bandage around her wrist and winced.It still hurt.She had sprained it during the attack.It was the most significant injury she had. She had a few cuts and bruises here and there, but nothing major.


Rooney walked down the path, away from the meeting ground. The night was chilly, and his shirt didn’t provide any form of warmth for him. He carried the black pot, dreading every step that took him close to his car and hence his mission.
As he drove down the bush path, he let down his windows, letting in the chilly air. He sped past the bush tracks, and unto the tarred road. The black pot was on the back seat of his car. The stench from it was what he tried to diffuse by letting down the windows. It filled his nostrils.


"What the f**k is wrong with you?"Tsunda spat shoving  Fhuro."You think this is a game?you think this a f**king game?She could've died you P**ck!!"


She stepped out of the cab and straightened her gown, not that it did any good, the fabric barely covered her butt.

The cab guy had an eyeful.

He gave her a smirk as he handed her the change.

She ignored him and walked into the large compound.


Hey guys....

There is a post hidden somewhere on the blog. The last time, most people did not understand  what they were supposed to do, but I am certain you all do now.


"Walk with me,my Champion"Thari said rising from the throne.

Fhuro had a curious look on his face.

The High Queen,Fhuro and ten royal guards strolled towards the gates of the palace.

"My Queen"The High Wizard called out.

Thari stopped and turned around.

"You're leaving the palace limits?"He said nervously.


How does life play these tricks on us? Like a really fast pendulum, one minute you are extremely Happy, and few seconds later, its like the world has crashed on your head.

One minute, my world was complete I was at my happiest and bam..... THE END. I cannot make sense of this, its been three days now and I still don't know what to make of it.

I met Emeka(not his real name of course).We met in church.He wasn't the handsomest of men.He was a little too short for my taste,but he treated me with respect.He adored and loved me.We dated for a few months and then he proposed.I was over the moon.Emeka was every bit the man I wanted (save for his height,but nobody is perfect right?)


Good morning... its sunny here in abuja, and I am feeling wonderful. Opus has a new story  for us, and I got a wonderful idea... YEA say it..... I always have wonderful ideas.

So lets have some fun... I know its Sunday. Some are at Church, some in bed and some of those in bed are nursing a hangover. #coughs.. Some are in bed having praise and worship. Halleluyah sombori.


Tsunda stood naked staring out into the city.She always liked the view from here.Wahri was truly a beautiful city.It's brown buildings stretched for miles on end.Even the air smelled better.Long gone was the sewage stench.Now the place reeked of freshly baked bread and the scent of Happy roses.Thari had insisted that every corner of the city have one of the rare magical plants.They filled the air with their smell.

These were indeed the most peaceful times in her life.For months all had been calm.Of course there were the small skirmishes in the East, but these were small and isolated, nothing heavy.


Inspector Ladi looked at the time, it was 10:45 pm, and he was still seated at his desk, going through the case file for the missing girls. The case had been re-assigned to him, after the third girl Precious went missing two weeks ago. His superiors think there is a connection, and it’s his job to find out what it is.
Something about the whole affair seemed off, but he had no idea what it was. Three girls, different age, different classes and different personalities. All gone missing in the middle of the night. No witnesses, no evidence. Ladi scratches his beard, and stands up. Time to call it a day.


The throne room was silent.

Dahda stared at the walls of the throne room  in silence.He'd never seen Xorhian carvings this close before.Clearly, their new High Queen had spared no expense in doing the place up.

Her vanity disgusted him.

There were those who felt she was just in her rule.But not him.

Leratu had been a true leader.She'd been firm and decisive.He missed  her rule.

Many claimed that now trade flourished between the clans and employment was bountiful.That These were truly the best days for the people.


FITNESS CLASSES (not a story O!)

Hi  introducing    Mr Menia Jack- combat strategist. African wako, WKA,WKU mma & K-1 kickboxing champion.  four times best fighter of the year in Nigeria.  Wins:39 ,loses: 6, Draws:0 ,tko's 7


Fred walked down the road leading to his uncle’s house sweating profusely. His sister had tried to discourage him from making this unsolicited visit, but he had refused to heed her warning. He was determined to make something out of this visit, and he said a silent prayer.


Christie stood in the middle of the street .The helicopter hovered over her head.
She still had the gun trained on the space were Jane Doe had been .
Sound of choppers.... Christie watched as the soldiers descend from the ropes amidst the sound of the choppers blades.

In seconds, the street was flooded with masked black ops  soldiers armed with advanced  fully automatic rifles.They moved swiftly,professionally.

Several black SUVs raced  into the sector.Suddenly military personnel and paramedics were everywhere.


I drove to the end of the road and stopped in front of the house by the bridge. I parked, and sat in silence for a while, giving myself an opportunity to change my mind.

 Truth is, I knew there was no turning back. I was here, and I had to do what I came to do.

I felt the movement of the baby, and instead of bringing me joy, all I felt was a pang of trepidation.

This was the only way out.

I rested my head and closed my eyes, seeing the happiest time of my life.

I married Leslie, the love of my life straight out of college. We were young, wet behind the ears, and stupid enough to think that the life would always be sunny. Six months after our marriage, I fell pregnant and my world seemed aligned.

Everyone was ecstatic, and I had never seen my husband as happy as he was when I gave him the news.


Maureen got into the car, and Jay drove off. She shuddered to think about what lay before her. No doubt her client would be another one of the numerous old men whose money could buy the city. Their money certainly buys them her body. She looked at the outline of Jay's jaw, and her mind went to the first day she was introduced to him. She had been in a very low point in her life, and made the decision to travel this road. Jay was her transporter. From that day, her worries reduced. She blossomed and was happier than she had been in a long time. Nobody had to know that deep down she cursed the day she was conceived every time she had to endure and pretend to enjoy rendering her services.


Happy independence day" he declared with a less than pleasant smile on his face.

Between the blazing sun and the stench from his armpits,I didn't know which offended me the most.

"Gerrout of here!! "I screamed at him, scarcely recognising my own voice amidst the blaring of car horns and the stink of sweat.The Air conditioner wasn't  working,and if any body knows traffic is Port Harcourt, a hot afternoon is  the worst situation to be in when your AC is bad.


Her footsteps echo down the hallway, the hostel is silent. She turned left towards the doors praying it does not screech. She really didn’t need to drag the matron out of slumber, although that woman slept and snored like a dead horse. But she was taking no chances.
Adanma pushed the door gently, and it swung open slowly. She felt the fresh air of the night hit her face, and took in a deep breath. She shut the door carefully, and stretched out her tired bones which ached from hiding in a locker since after prep. She hoped her cover had not been blown in her own hostel, because being in a mess with her matron was not what she needed at this time.

JANE DOE episode 3

The Organization had taken the four of them into another well lit  large room with an assortment of weapons.

"F**k me!!"Samuel had exclaimed,staring at the weapons  like  a child in a candy store.

Victor didn't like the man.To him mercenaries were scum.Any soldier who fought for money was  worth as less as the  filth of a cockroach's stomach.


Lily lay silently on her bed.

She didn’t move when Felix walked in. Maybe she either didn't notice, or she didn’t care.

He stood at the doorway, wondering what could be eating his wife up. She had been acting strange since he came back from work.

That time of the month,maybe.

“Cherie” he said in a soft tone.She turned her face towards him.

“What's the matter?” he asked. He moved to sit on the bed.He placed his hand on her feet.

“There's no problem”.

 She withdrew her feet from his palm.


He sighed and sat still beside her.

OLUKWU the native doctor 7

Farting sounds.


More farting sounds.

The native doctor moved around the little hut with an angry expression on his face.He either didn't hear the Voice of the spirits or was simply ignoring it.

He paused for  a few seconds then let out a very loud fart.

OLUKWU!!!Said the angry voice of the Spirits.

"Ekwa!what is it?"Olukwu snapped."Did I call ya name?"

He Pulled vigorously at an earlobe"Respect yaself oh!Respect yasef.Unless you want Mammy Water to hear our voice this morning"

He continued searching the hut,sorting through sections he'd been through before.

More farting sounds


Day time.

Darkness gives way to light.

In an ideal world,the vermin would've scuttled into their dark holes waiting for night.

But this wasn't an ideal world.It was a f**ked up place that had someone like me in it.

I stared at my left hand.It still ached from the bullet I'd snatched from the air the night before.

What sort of human could do that?

Was I even human?

Why couldn't I remember who the f**k I was?

I had spent the rest of the night prowling aimlessly through the sinful streets.

I was a nameless face amongst a sea of faces.

I could hear voices and sounds from miles away.They were all mixed together in my head like some f**kup symphony.

I just wanted to be alone.I just wanted to figure this out.

I managed to find the rooftop of an abandoned building.It was peaceful,less noise and s**tty voices to hear.The air up there was clearer....cleaner.

My instincts warned me to stay hidden.


I had no f**king clue.I just had a feeling that I should be careful.There was …


Wait wait lemme get this straight.I go quiet for a while and I don't get so much as a where's Amaka sef on this blog?I'm guessing since Rise of the Clans,Amaka's yesterday's news abi?

HA!!!(I laugh in seeeeeeerious Ogoni).Like I would even care if you guys asked after me.


Now,to the gist of the day....Oh!Silly me.I forgot the newbies on the blog.My name is Amaka,AKA the Unrepentant Mistress,First of her name.Africa's No.1BadGirl,The Mistress of the Kamasutra and of the Night, the Numero Uno of Runs-Chicks.Bow to me now,and I will ensure your husband/boyfriend returns him tonight.

(Laughs Hysterically)

It feels sooooo good to be back!


The night is scared of me,...and I think I know why.

All the Vermin came out like cockroaches after the lights went out.

I heard the city around me.It was a  symphony of Rock Music,Bad traffic and loud voices.

My alley was an accumulated filth of bodily fluids and stinking feaces.

My bed was a couple of newspapers spread across the hard cold ground of the alley.It wasn't the Four Seasons,but it was a place to rest my head.

I closed my eyes.But sleep was a seasoned Prostitute who never came no matter how hard I tried.


"On your marks....."The Parrot called out. They were poised at the starting line.

The Tortoise eyed the Hare.

"Mighty Tortoise,Mighty Tortoise!!!"

The crowd was chanting.

"Do you hear that?"The Tortoise said.

"That is the sound of my victory".

"Mighty Tortoise!Mighty Tortoise!"

The surface of the road burned with the intensity of the Mid-day sun.

"Once I am king,"The Tortoise said."I will make sure the Hares starve to death"


The Hare lay on the forest floor staring at a bunch of noisy ants going about their business.
It was another Monday morning.And like all Mondays,he felt numb.

The sun was shining in the sky, birds in the trees were singing Praise songs to the almighty Tortoise .

"All hail  Tortoise!The swiftest,wisest of all animals.Rise up and bask in his Magnificence......!"

And on and on the song went.One heart breaking verse after the other.They hurt his long ears and each word was like a bee sting to his body.

The ants tripled in number as the minutes grew by.They rallied around a small piece of fruit.No doubt an offering to their "Great King".

He heard the sound of hopping behind him.To be frank,he had actually   smelled her fur whilst she was yards away.He didn't even bother getting up.

What was the point?


First off,I want to say thank you for joining me on the Rise of  the Clans adventure.To be fair,I had no Idea anyone was going to like it.If you've noticed,I've been experimenting with genres to find my strengths.And I really enjoy fantasy.There's so much room for creativity.
But enough about that.
Writing ROTC was fun....and exhausting.
Why do I say that?Because from when I wrote the first part,I had no idea what the others were going to be like.


"Surprised Fhuro...?"Amira said flipping the sword in her hand.Mallish rose to his feet and stood beside Amira.

"I gave the Warlock a choice...."She said,stroking the back of Mallish's head almost lovingly.

".....serve me or die....Guess which one he picked?"she smiled.

Fhuro glared at the warlock.

" f**king two faced..."

"Silence!!!"Amira commanded,cutting off his words with a wave of her hand.An invisible force lifted Fhuro's body off the ground,and violently flung him towards a nearby pillar.The side of his ribs smashed into the marble, sending a sharp lightening bolt of pain into his body.He fell to the ground,groaning in agony.

"The Clans rejected and scorned me for centuries.....!!!"He heard Mallish's voice scream.

" think I care what happens to them???"

"....WE TRUSTED YOU.....!!!"Fhuro spat as he held on to his side .

"...Tonhye and Tsunda...."

"...Are both dead!…


"Last warning,Wizard.Stay out of my way"Lord Obih said in a deadly tone as his hands continued to glow.

Lord Rha threw some wild gestures into the air as the entire corridor trembled and  a large chunk of the adjacent wall broke free from its place and launched itself at the High Wizard and Leratu.

Lord Obih swiftly threw his glowing hands in the air and the large concrete exploded in a thunderous blast a few feet from him, sending fragments of granite and pebbles in all directions.

Leratu ducked behind the High Wizard as flying bits of debris narrowly missed her head.

"Do not insult a Grand Master with Peasant Magic,"Lord Obih snarled as he removed dust  from the fabric of his robe.

"You are no Grand Master of Mine "came the Xorgian wizard as he unleashed a ferocious blinding fire ball. The High Wizard swiftly crossed his arms.His body absorbed the fire ball,but the impact of the assault sent him skidding backwards and colliding into the startled Leratu.…


High-Pitched Shetani shrieks, shields shattering,Claws tearing through flesh,blood sprays everywhere,screams of dying men....and their  horses.

King Kurahye stood in the midst of a hurricane of vicious  violence, gore and a whirlwind of carnage.

Sweat beads stung his eyes as blood dripped from his face.His armor was dented and torn up in many places.

He saw one of the creatures tear the arm off a screaming soldier.

There are too many of them,he thought frantically as more of the dead rose to become Shetani.

There  are too many of them.


Why the f**k am I so dizzy?"Tsunda said as she rolled on the ground.

"It will pass...."She heard Mallish's voice say.

"Travelling through a portal for the first time,can be jarring."

As the fog in her head dissipated,more details became clear.They were in a forest again,in another clearing.But this was a different forest.The tree trunks were dark and the leaves were black.

The misty air was thick with a stench she could not identify.

" brave and never doubt....."

Tonhye's words still echoed in her head.

Fhuro was still steadying himself from Portal travel when Tsunda came at him.

He felt a vicious blow to the side of face.The impact threw him to the ground.

"You stupid F**k!!!"came Tsunda's angry voice.


"This is unacceptable!"Leratu spat.

" should have done something"

"What would you have me do,attack her and Lord Rha there and then?"The High Wizard asked.

They were alone in her tower.

"Are you High Wizard by Title alone?"She glared at him.


Hi guys, first off, I want to say you guys have been really really awesome, being patient and waiting for posts. Its been fun, I wont deny it, crazy fun and the adventure still continues.

Four stories from this blog have been made into e-books, Brown eyes, 3:15,Kollupia and Rise of the clans, on Kindle and wattpad.

You guys have read these stories, and if the comments we get are anything to go by, you loved them. So please we need you to help us by leaving reviews and comments about the stories.


To all those expecting Sunday Erotica, sorry O, abeg O..... ehen.

Let's talk about sex. Now don't look at me like that..... I know what you guys are thinking,  IT'S A SUNDAY...... I know. But I am just curious, Is there a standard number of times that a couple (married or otherwise)should have sex? I am serious here, Is there?

Recently, I met up with some friends at a bachelorette party . (You know what goes down at those things.... And do not ask about the strippers, I am still sweaty thinking about them).  Like all bachelorette parties when you throw in a bunch of women and alcohol the conversations always tend to get a little bit "unholy" (or in our lingua, gist dey bring gist). From nowhere Clara threw a question at Freda"how often do you and Julius have sex?" . Clara is fond of being straight forward, and the alcohol in her system didn't help.


We're so so so so so so so sooooo.sorry MIZ TEE for missing your birthday.Truth is,your Email came in as spam.The network has been a little unstableb(and annoying).So we didn't get to see it till about Five minutes ago. So sorry dear.


The Warlock was going to be a problem. Krouh thought as he stared at the four of them from the hill top.

Of course he knew Mallish was powerful,but he had never seen such a display of magic before.

The Black Warlock would have to die first.

Krouh was also a little disappointed.The Brotherhood had supplied him with lives for the past few days.Now they were all gone,save for a few wretched folks left in their village.

He sighed.The village was at least Five miles away and save for these four,there no more people in sight.

This was a problem.

He could feel a tingling sensation in his chest.The pain was close.He thought .


Princess Thari was Spirit Walking  again.

It was getting easier to do.She found it relaxing and invigorating.The past few days had been nightmarish and with the approaching Shetani horde, she  knew things were  likely to get scarier.

She needed to ebb the tide of panic rising inside her.

Spirit Walking helped her relax.She could walk through the hallways of the palace unseen.Everything felt clearer in her Spirit Form.Her senses were sharper .She could hear things on the far side of the palace.She quickly learnt to see and walk through walls.It was a neat skill for spying on people.She learnt to move at the speed of thought,covering distances in mere seconds.Once,she thought of what the outer walls of the Palace might look like,then in a flash,she was there.

Fear and shock gripped her when she realised where she was.She could see the soldiers running about with urgency as they set up the palace's defences.


She looked behind her, watching out for movement. All was quiet and she walked on, trying her best to be silent. Her phone disrupted the silence, and she brough it out of her pocket and silenced it before registering the caller id.

"Hello Raine, what did you say you wanted on your birthday cake" Ifunanya asked.
“Hello, Ifunanya, let me call you back please. I am in the middle of something” she whispered quickly, before ending the call. She heard footsteps from a distance, and crouched low. The footsteps seemed to be ahead of her, so she followed silently.

The weather was too hot, and beads of sweat ran down her back. Her aldo boots are really dusty, and the thought of how hard it is to get dust out of suede hit her. she sighed and forged ahead. Nothing was going to stop her. not tonight.


"Where the f**k are we?"Fhuro said frantically looking around.They were in a clearing in the forest.In the centre of the clearing was a rock.A very wide rock.At the centre of the rock,was a pool of crystal clear water.

Fhuro could see the outline of a sword inside it.

A small part of Fhuro's mind took in all this in seconds.But a larger part,was plain terrified as he looked around.

"You're in another part of the forest" came Deveehle's voice.


Deveehle pointed towards the rock and said,
"There, is the weapon you seek"

Long pause.

Fhuro walked slowly towards the rock and stared into the small pool.The sword was clearer now.He could see the strange carvings on the hilt.

"Beautiful,is it not?"Deveehle said.

Indeed it was,Fhuro thought.He had never seen such a sword before.Its blade shone like crystals in the water.

"Yes it is"he said.

"No one really knows when or how it was made...."Deveehle was sa…


The four of them stared into the forest in silence.

'So...this Chuhks fellow is some sort of  bad**sed Wizard or something?'

"You could say that"Mallish replied.He still seemed a little dazed.

"He was the most gifted Wizard of all  the Six clans.He had ideas,strange ideas about magic.So strange,he frightened the High Counsel of magic.No other Conjurer had his skills nor zeal for the craft.But his arrogance  was their greatest fear"

"Wait.You mean there's a more arrogant-**sed Wizard than you?"Tsunda asked with an arched eyebrow.

The Black Warlock seemed to ponder on her question for awhile.

"I was not always arrogant.Long before any of you were born,I had a family.A wife and son."


Ledum looked at the clock in her office, wondering what was so urgent that she had to drop everything she was doing in the office. But Baridor had sounded frantic on the phone few minutes ago.
“Come to Nina’s house, it is an emergency” she had said. What emergency, she had declined to say.Ah..well...!

 Knowing her twin, it could be anything or nothing. Baridor had only one setting; Hyper.

She was an exact opposite of Ledum, whom was always calm and digested events before reacting. It always amazed people how different the girls were. Even as kids, you only needed to looking for the one who couldn’t stay at a place to know which was which.

Physically, they were exactly the same.


For two days they travelled.Finding rest and food where they could.

Their progress was slower without the horses.The heat from the  sun was intense.Even with the shade from the trees,their bodies were drenched in thick beads of sweat.Hours passed.

Mallish and Tonhye walked ahead,as Fhuro and Tsunda followed behind.

The bushes on either side of the narrow road were quiet.Offering nothing, save for the occasional rustling of leaves. Even the the insects were silent.No birds flew above them nor sang in the trees.


"Oh f**k!"Tsunda exclaimed as she stared at his arm in terror.The wound was bleeding.

"I'm okay,"Fhuro managed as he gathered himself.

"....It's nothing,...just a flesh wound..."he said examining his arm.


The two warriors continued glaring at each other.

The Man on his Knees, had a fearful look on his face.

Fhuro could not take his eyes off Tsunda's body.

Growing up in a whorehouse meant he had seen his fair share of naked bodies,but Tsunda's was heavenly, like something sculptured by the goddess of Fertility herself.
Despite the corpses and bloodied blade,he was mesmerized by what he saw.

He felt his loins fact he felt EVERYTHING stirring inside him.Truly,she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Mallish stared at the dead bodies and the two warriors with indifference.He cared nothing for Tsunda's exposed flesh.He had given up such Pleasures  a century ago.Sex always interfered with his magic a bad way.

"Go!"Tonhye commanded the Man.

For a few seconds the Brotherhood member had no idea to whom the Chief First Blade was referring.

He still remained there...frightened and confused.

"I said, GO!!!"Tonhye thundered.

The Man s…


They rode for a whole day,making their way East.

The journey was quiet, save for the thundering of hooves.

They were now outside the protection of the Wahri Clans.

Eventually, the horses could not go any further.They made camp by a lake known as Tonkihri.

Tsunda wished to go on, but Tonhye insisted that they rest the night.

The next morning,Tonhye took the protesting Fhuro to a clearing nearby to see if he could teach him the basics of swordplay.

It was an uphill task.


All eyes were on Fhuro as he  stood silently in the middle of the throne room.

His eyes darted back and forth in confusion.

"What is your name?"Leratu asked

"I...I am Fhuro lady"Fhuro replied cautiously as his eyes continued surveying the wealth of the Throne room.

"You will address her as High Queen"Tonhye commanded.

"......I am.......... Fhuro Black,High Queen"He said awkwardly.

Long silence.

"So you are a  bastard....?"Leratu asked  softly.


Once upon a time there was a young man named Handsome. As his name implied,he was a handsome  man to behold.

He was in his thirties and badly wanted to settle down.But he had a problem....too many women in his life.

They literally came in all shapes and sizes.
Tall,short,fat,slim,ugly,beautiful,rich and poor.

He had a hard time choosing which was going to be his wife.

One night,Handsome said a prayer that went like this,

"Dear lord,please bring me a woman that is Perfect for me,all these girls are good but are lacking in certain areas.
Please help me....Amen!

That night, he had a dream.


I don't know why People like me exist in the world... .Perhaps we are nature's way of striking a balance between normal and F**kup.

I know my tale may sound outlandish or crazy even.

But it's the truth.

It all started when I was Fifteen.I was involved in a car accident.

Relax,...nobody died.In fact,the most serious injury was mine.

I was thrown from the car and banged my head pretty good against a tree stump.

I blacked out  of course, and woke up a day later in a hospital to find my parents standing over my bed.


Ibingo couldn't sleep.

There seemed to be an ongoing dispute between the various groups of blood thirsty insects hovering above her head.

" Don't scratch them. It only makes it worse"
Tarila always warned her. But she couldn't help it that night.The monstrous tiny vampires were heartless.

The compound was still.

And the weather was so hot, even the crickets were silent.

Sweat poured from her body in large beads, unto the wrapper used to cover the raffia mat.

 Ibingo was wide awake and wondered how Ibiso could sleep so soundly under such harsh conditions.

Ibiso lay by her on the mat, and hadn't stirred since she fell asleep over three hours ago.


Fhuro stood on the unstable stool, his wrists bound behind his back as he stared at the angry mob.

His morning wasn't turning out so well.He thought to himself as more rotten fruits were thrown at him.


“Come off your high horse, Mimsy, this dude is cute and rich. What more could you ask for?” Adaure said to her friend gesticulating wildly.

“Look Ada, I get that you are on honeymoon fever, but love is not contagious. Stop trying to hook me up…. I am not interested in another blind date” Mimsy replied taking a sip of her cocktail.

“By the way, where's your husband? He should come and take you off my hands biko” she continued.

“Kelvin is cooking dinner, so he asked me to get out of his hair for a few hours”

  “I wonder why” Mimsy rolled her eyes.

“I know what you're thinking and it’s not true” Ada said with a knowing smile.

“I'm thinking you're the most exasperating, opinionated and pushy friend I have. Thank God your husband knows it too”

“Oh please. I might be all that, but you're stubborn and strong headed” Ada replied.

“Whatever!” Mimsy giggled, as she went through her phone.

Long Pause.


People will call me "A two faced bastard"but what I am is a man. A "today's man".I love my wife.She's the most amazing woman I've ever known.She's intelligent,Kind,supportive,and faithful.

What more could a man ask for?She's just perfect.

I remember when I lost my job years ago.I thought my life was over....I thought there was nothing left for me.Everyone deserted one gave a crap.

You see,the world is a cruel place when you don't have money.Most women would've walked away.But my wife stood by my side.
She took care of me and the children. For months,she used her money to feed us and take care of the  rent.

It wasn't easy.....Things were bad.


Things were f**ked up.


Amaka stops by the curb rather abruptly. From the look on her face, she is clearly upset about something, and I have a feeling we are about to find out what.

She picks up one of her beeping phones, and frowns. "Yes darling, I know love I know. I would see you soon. Obim ndo o. Ok.... thank you." she ends the call and faces us.

CELL 307

I am really glad you guys enjoy my stories… Not certain how creepy some of them really are, even though Opus says they are super creepy. So I was pulled by my hair, from the couch where I was lounging and reading comments, to my laptop by you know who.

 I type this under duress in a padded cell where everything is….. guess…. Guess…. PINK. The usual white padded cells are not my thing I guess. My asylum is a democratic environment as they even let us choose the colour of our cells and even the cell number.

Mine is number 307(smiles knowingly), so come visiting if you dare. Needless to say, a lot of those mad people chose number 666, maybe just to show that they are indeed disturbed in their heads, or just for show. We have over 15 cells with that number on their doors.(way to go crazies).


With a lurch, the car came to a stop and the engine belched to death. “Damn this” Chisom swore, hitting the steering wheel, “I'll kill that mechanic ” .

She continued looking at Halima who sat quietly, staring straight ahead.

“I don't like this….. ” Bisi's voice said from the back seat.

“Quit whining…. Nobody knew this would happen” Chisom said, looking at her from the rear view mirror.

  Halima sat in the front passenger’s seat, looking straight ahead.

The night was cold.

Chisom sighed, and started fishing in her bag for her phone.

“No need, it’s useless….. There is no network here…. Look around you babe, we're in the middle of nowhere” .




The Man stared at her as she savoured another scoop of Ice cream.It was nice to watch her.The way her eyes seemed to swoon each time the plastic spoon entered her mouth.

She wasn't an unattractive woman infact,she was quite a looker for a woman in her Fifties.

Personally,the Man didn't approve of her eating habits.

6pm every Friday was Ice Cream  time for this woman.

The human body is a marvel of Bio Engineering.It deserved better than being bombarded by so much sugar.The Man frowned.

She didn't even exercise(If the last two weeks he'd followed her about was anything to go by).

Exercise was crucial for any human being.Even from this distance,he could tell that one of her bodyguards was in bad shape.


She heard a bang. She jumped in her seat and made a Typo in the document she was working on.She looked at her wrist watch, 11:23pm. She sighed and looked around her.

She was the only one in the office, thanks to her shrewish boss and her Employee-of-the-month-for-Eight-straight-months status. She wished she had had the guts to turn down this assignment.

So here she was, at this unholy hour, with an aching neck, back, arms, legs, aching everywhere.

She stood up from her desk, and flexed her muscles.


Chike stared into the photograph with a smile on his face.

"You guys look so good together"He said still staring at the picture.

"The Photographer was fantastic."came Edidiong's voice from the kitchen.

Felix rolled his eyes and whispered,
"The idiot kept on staring at her cleavage like some lustful beast with a hard on the size of Jurassic world.Dude was supposed to be a professional for Christ sakes"

"I heard that"Edidiong said returning to the living room with their drinks.

Chike chuckled as she placed the tray on the stool between him and Felix.

"...Don't mind your friend jor,...."She said to Felix as he rolled his eyes again.


"Come and buy come and buy!"The Smallish buldgy eyed sales man was screaming  into the Public Address System.

It was a little difficult to ascertain how many different fabrics made up the multicolored coat he was wearing.In front of the man was a large red cloth spread across the ground.

There were dozens of strange colored  bottles strewn across the cloth.

A small group of people had gathered around the hungry looking sales man as he brandished a small yellow bottle in his left hand.

"De original cure for all Man diseases!!Are you having problems wit ya man-hood?is ya woman complaining dat you cannot perform well in bed?Are you tired of her calling you a 'small boy?'wen was d last time ya woman sed to you 'Beby do it again?'Biko,de answer is here....."


Lemme guess,so because I've been silent for so long people on this blog generally assume I have nothing to say abi?


I laugh in Japanese.


“Just deal with it, I’m out of here” he said to her, leaving her office and slamming the door shut.

Tsunade stared at the door for a while, then resumed typing on her computer. She would handle him later.

She had to file her report first, her motto has always been work while you work and play while you play. Or so she'd read on a bumper sticker somewhere.

Funmi walked into her boss’ office with trepidation, she had heard the intense argument, and didn’t know whether to expect a warm smile, a frown or rocket propelled grenade.

PASTOR BOSCO episode 5

Pastor Bosco wasn't having a fantastic week.

Two attempts had been made on his life and if not for the supernatural speed Jehovah had blessed him with,he would've been singing with the angels by now.


Christian screamed and fell to the ground with a loud thud after the reptile had extracted its fangs from his flesh.

His pulse was racing.

Christian hated the fact that he knew what was coming.He'd watched enough documentaries to know the effects of a fierce snake bite.

 First would come the nausea,then the vomiting, abdominal pain, diarrhoea, dizziness and convulsions leading to kidney  failure and finally death.

He could already feel the nausea coming on.His blood would slowly loose its ability to clot and he'd bleed out.

Bad way to go,he thought.


"I'll give you whatever you want...just don't kill me.....I have a wife and ...a daughter"Jacob ranted in panic as he was  shoved to the ground.

The skin on his forehead broke and ripped open as it brushed against the roughness of an unpainted wall.

He let out a screech and was promptly kicked in the ribs.

He stifled a yell.

He could hear them all around him.

He could smell the sweat on their bodies.